This Is Now

I think one of the strangest experiences anyone can have is living in someone else’s house. Living there short term (as apposed to say getting adopted) is even stranger. I’ve been living here for close to 7 months, and I think of this as ‘home’,  and I think of Frank, Cristina and the boys as my ‘family.’ but what are they really? a substitute family? No, its not even that. Frank and Cristina by no means try to act the part of parents, but they are as close to the real thing as I have hear. Frank is the one I go to when my bike is broken, Cristina brings me medicine when I’m sick. However I can never quit figure out our relationship. Or even the relationship between themselves, which is alarming because when I have always known how my mom and dad react to different things. Who calls the shots in what situations. Who makes sure the bills are paid on time, who is willing to spend the day driving the kids around, who makes our doctors appointments. I know the things they have mutual enjoyment/respect for, and which they simply tolerate for eachothers happiness. I can tell through actions, or the tone of voice when one is upset or angry about something. I know which person to go to with which questions, who is more likely to say yes to what, who will see eye to eye with me.

Here I am completely in the dark. That is of course understandable when you take in to account that i lived at home for 18 years, not 7 months. However I would have guessed it would be easier to read than it is. I feel that I am always walking on thin ice. The rules are not clearly defined. I don’t know who to go to with what problems or questions.

My way of dealing with this has been to walk lightly. I am cautious with most actions-if I want to drink tea in my room I try to bring my cup upstairs when no one is looking, I prefer to shower when no one is at home so that I can parade around in my towel if I feel like it. When I want to ask something I will wait until both parties are present. Just living is a constant game.